I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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