just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
