Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
