I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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