I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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