My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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