Please, let me fuck your mom
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
