so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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