Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
