I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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