Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
