Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
