Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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