apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
