Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
