bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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