Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
