He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
