i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i now understand why vodka
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
