somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm passing your future prison.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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