Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
