Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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