he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
