I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
