12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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