Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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