so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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