I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
