Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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