either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
