Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
