some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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