Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize