Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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