Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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