She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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