I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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