So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Liz is crying about burritos again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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