there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize