she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
