Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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