I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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