I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize