Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Damn victory sex feels great
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
