Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
