Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
