you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize