Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drunk is a universal language darling
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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