remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
