Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
