i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
