my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
