my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
