Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
