If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
