Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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