Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
