we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
