Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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