apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
