evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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