Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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