Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
