meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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