you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
