Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
