she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize