Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
